I’ll never say it out loud
But i miss you. The person,
Not the hell we went through.
But why? Why do my thoughts
Constantly remind me.
Just the mess left, the heart; wrecked.
Tears in my eyes at i write.
Fucking up, cant even spell tonight.
You left a hole, in our family.
An empty space that wasn’t supposed
To be; empty.
I cry alone, where no one can hear.
Or ask what’s wrong. So i can just
drown. Maybe make peace
With the demons i fear.
No one can replace you, that i am
But i don’t want a replacement,
Or a repeat of the shit we caused.
I wish we could’ve changed it.
That cycle of endless relapse
You were my soulmate, the one
Even now i would choose.
But i refuse.
Because i am tired of being used.
Tired of sleepless nights, of never
ending tears to cry. Of every single
Fucking lie. Gaslighting my mind..
Fractured heart still entwined;
with you.The tears still fall,
the hole in my Heart never mending.
Looking at a Future seemingly empty.
Death comes knocking, should I
Answer? Or suffer more behind
A closed door.
Waiting for… What exactly?
What more could i ask for?
To be happy?
I tried everything, time to just wait and
See. If i can start again,
Or will i run back to be emptied,
Then filled again,
With love, hate, sorrow, and envy.
Get out of my head, please.
So i can at least make peace
With the demons created from
The heartbreak between
You and me.