Delusional…

I’ve got a black halo,
Over my head,
It shines in the dark.
Wars inside my brain,
I hope these bullets,
Don’t hit their mark.
The pilot light,
Of my soul;
Needs a spark.
Into pieces;
I get ripped apart.
Torn inside;
The saw blades sharp.
Dripping blood,
So I know that I am alive.
Consistently,
Stabbed in the back,
But I still survive.
Although;
Deep down inside,
I’m a coward,
My guts twist tied.
I can run forever,
But I know;
That I’ll never find,
A place to hide.
Just a place,
To rest my head.
Sorry;
Wasn’t listening,
Tell me what you said.
I just want,
Peace & love to spread.
I’ve got soul inside,
But;
I’m still waiting on,
That light to shed.
Trying to make life beautiful,
Thats the fifth I pled.
Is there anybody,
Out there that’s missing me?
Nope;
So I’m just laying here in bed.
Feeling half dead,
Head;
Filled with nightmares & misery.
Tales;
From the enemy,
Living within myself,
Depleting my mental health.
But;
This seems to be,
Everything;
That centers me.
Natural habits,
I do them;
Senselessly.
It feels like I’ve,
Been doing this,
For centuries.
But now;
I can finally see,
The things that,
I could not believe.
My eyes;
Were just not,
Willing to perceive.
I’ve learned that,
Seasons change,
& I’m just;
Falling leaves.
Man;
I can’t stand,
Living;
In this negative energy,
But I can’t move,
I swear;
Life is killing me.
……
Do you think,
Life can get this good?
Shit;
It should.
But it don’t,
I could change,
But I know,
That I won’t.
Splinters;
From a heart,
Made of wood.
I;
Dissolved away,
Just because I could.
I try to catch moments,
Before they go,
Because they’ll leave forever,
That’s just something,
That I know.
These things weren’t,
Meant for you,
These things you want,
Weren’t sent for you,
No…
Take your hands back,
You can’t afford this price,
You wish;
You could have shit this nice.
But this is what you get,
Just this shitty life,
&;
A couple slits,
Across your wrists.
I mean;
The signs were there,
I can’t help;
That you missed,
Them.
Your toxic roots,
Poisoned the stem,
You only have,
Yourself to condemn.
……
I’d be a fool,
To not accept the truth.
But;
I’m just lying to myself,
I always have an excuse.
My grip on reality;
Is becoming loose.
Oh no… I hope…
I didn’t take,
The delusional route.



I’d be a fool,
To not accept the truth.
But;
I’m just lying to myself,
I always have an excuse.
My grip on reality;
Is becoming loose.
Oh no… I hope…
I didn’t take,
The delusional route.

I’ve got;
A bad habit of,
Letting;
The extremes,
Get to the above.
Things just go,
Way too far,
I don’t stop them,
Though.
Hell;
I don’t even know,
What they are,
But;
Maybe I don’t want that pain,
Staring from the window pane.
I see all the angles,
& there’s nothing here to gain.
We both know,
Life can’t always be,
Gumdrops & sugar cane.
Better believe,
I’ll have the greatest day,
&;
Still find a reason to complain.
Cycling through,
Mixed feelings that I find,
Hard to contain.
Nothing is the same,
Locked inside,
This house of change.
These thoughts are strange,
So I;
Bury them deep.
Get into the coffin,
& fall right back asleep.
Because my dreams,
Hold together my seams,
Breaking apart life,
Going through each scene.
Another day;
Another plot to scheme,
To make the world great.
A beautiful place for me,
To;
Strengthen my mind state,
Alleviate; All this stress,
Fresh served,
On the dinner plate,
Just to let the rest,
Of the bullshit,
In my life disintegrate.
It feels like;
A pressure plate,
Adding weight,
To my psychotic brain,
Giving birth;
To a new found pain,
Causin’ my head to ache,
Tear into my faults,
Until my mind quakes.
I’m just the catastrophe,
That the world creates.
I’ve got;
All this sadness,
But;
I don’t feel,
That they could relate.
They say that they do,
But;
That’s up for debate.
……
Could this world,
Be;
Exactly what I wanted?
Nahh;
But it don’t hurt to dream.
Sometimes;
Life breaks me down,
Makes me wanna scream.
I’ve been;
Trying to find myself,
I’ve been lost in between.
A cold reality;
And a place that,
I can do what I want,
And;
Remain unseen.
But I think;
This delusion,
Is bringin’ the end of me,
Rose colored glasses,
I just don’t have the sight to see.

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