Fractions

Him…

Why don’t you care enough to fight? To show even a fraction of the care I’ve put into fighting for us and what’s needed.

Me…

You have never lost my care or love. And you have not fought for what you wanted and needed. I haven’t seen you fight for anything yet. You have bitched and complained and demanded and begged and asked and taken and been given. But you have not fought for anything. You can blame me all you want. But just try to imagine a reality where I was as dependent on you as you are on me. Where I couldn’t or wouldn’t do the very simplest of things on my own. Nothing. I can’t work right now. I need to work on me for a while. You understand. And, I did tell you when we met that I don’t do laundry. Or cook. Or dishes. And, no sense in me going out and doing the shopping when you’re already out and about at work and whatnot. Imagine a reality where literally all aspects of responsibility, all stress to figure out every detail of our life from the biggest, like work, housing, bills, meals to the smallest like … absolutely everything else rests solely on your shoulders. This is not to exclude, of course, personal choices. Choices that should be based on MY actual personal preferences. Choices that contribute to continuously learning and knowing your partner as you build your life together. I’m leaving those up to you as well. For God’s sake, STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I WANT! I dont want to have to answer anything. I don’t want to have to think! And, I really don’t care to hear about it all. No matter what you are having to figure out or deal with. However, please choose wisely. Our happiness depends on these decisions. See? You need only exert a FRACTION of the amount of care I put into this relationship and things could be good. Yeah. Imagine that’s YOUR life. Your actual reality. Have you got it? Good.
Now, while you’re handling all that, add to it, me constantly pressuring you to make change. Make our lives and life together better. Better us! Progress us! Know that I will increasingly be voicing my disdain about all the things not happening that should be. I mean, I certainly am not going to initiate them. I am and have been doing my part here since day one. But, by now, you should definitely have had us well on our way to a better, brighter future. Yes, by now you should have implemented all the changes I’ve been harping on you about for years. As well as, making me do them even tho I’m going to fight you every step of the way. I’m going to resist any changes and literally only do them when you make me. Even if you do persevere thru your exhaustion and the drug induced mental fog that has become the daily norm and succeed in implementing new changes, you will never be able to depend on me to ever ‘do’, on my own. It won’t happen. And, trust that I’m going to be pissed when things never change. I know whats needed to better us. And you can bet you will hear about it every single day until eventually that’s all I really have to say to you. Because, this is ridiculous. I tell you exactly what is needed time and time again. I can’t understand why you don’t just ‘do’. Oh, yes, and of course don’t forget to make sure I ‘do’ as well. I really don’t know if its laziness or lack of care on your part, that keeps you from putting forth just a fraction of what I put into this relationship. Why do I have to keep repeating myself? It’s been the same simple solution for years. You could just ignore that I’m being nasty when you make me follow thru. When all I wanted to do is continue on as normal. So what if I spend the rest of the day being nasty and yelling and berating you? Or angrily staring at you in silence for hours. I just wanted to continue doing what I was doing, the way I was doing it. Its like you just assume its a good time to start something new or like its a big deal if I’m not ready right that minute. I can’t make it any easier for you to understand. Yes, just ‘do’ already, on top of “everything else” you claim is ‘sooo much’ for one person. Look what I go thru. And please don’t bring ridiculous shit like you’re stressed or sad or broken-hearted or don’t like how I’m being to you. Like literally don’t bring it to me. I forbid you to say a word about any of that. If you had just followed thru and made the changes necessary I wouldn’t be acting that way. So put a smile on your face and be positive because despite the “petty” things you deal with, that’s what ‘I’ need.

Think you can manage?

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