It’s my biggest issue.
For fear of Rejection;
Or could be the paranoia,
From the schizoaffective disorder.
Along with the bipolar.
No reason to trust;
When they all leave, or seem
To judge. But then that’s also my brain
I don’t talk about it much. If at all.
No one cares, or understands.
I’m scared all the time. Stuck.
And acting cool and crazy, on the surface.
When truth is I’m a mess. Antisocial.
Pathetic. A fucking mental wreck.
At odds with myself almost everyday.
I feel insane.
Again that’s probably just my brain.
I’ve trusted the wrong people. So now
Everyones against me,
Even my friends become my Enemies.
Due to uncertainty.
The medications just barely manage things. Make me level;
though with no one to trust,
I’m just a fucking animal.
My attachments are a mess.
But the issues are there too.
Dont even trust my family, the blood kin.
Not you. Consider me completely insane.
But I talk to You often.
Even though we’ve stopped.
So many things i never opened up about.
So many reasons I made you doubt me.
Deliberately. Abuse and codependency
had me do some crazy things.
Especially behind the scenes.
Where no one sees.