the decomposition ….

do you ever just sit back and wonder where it all went wrong?  it used to be good in the beginning.  you know it was.  it was great actually.  at least thats how it seems now.  but was it ever really great?  or was it doomed from the beginning?  and you were just too blinded by the newness and excitement to see it.  so lets break it down, this decomposition of a relationship…..

the newness …..
here’s this amazing person.  this amazing person who wants to be with you all the time.  and you want to be with them all the time.  someone who wants to experience things with you, learn new things from you and in turn teach you a few things you didnt already know.  you call, you text, you dream of and spend every waking minute thinking about them and this feeling thats so good.  you get butterflies in your stomach when you kiss. you watch them when they sleep (not in a creepy way!) and wonder how you got so lucky.  everything about them is perfect.  at least perfect enough for you.  you’re happy.  you settle in.  you get into a routine.  you let your guard down.  you’re oblivious to the fact that things may be starting to go wrong.

the beginning of the end …..
when does it first happen?  when do the little things go from no big deal to something that can’t be overcome?  when is that first little seed of doubt planted?  when do you start to wonder or worry … do they still feel the same?  they love but are they ‘in love’?  they care but do they care enough?  its not usually until much later when you look back and say, why didnt i see it then?  before i lost my heart completely.  that it was useless to try.  people are funny though.  even if they do realize they keep on going.  keep on trying.  trying to fix it and make it right.  denial i guess.  it can be a bitch.  its hard to admit that its just not going to work.  maybe there was never even a chance.  who will ever know?

and then everyone’s done……
all of a sudden its too late.  too late to fix it.  you cant make it right.  now you realize you should have let go a long time ago.  now its too late to save the hurt feelings and broken hearts.  but no matter how many times your brain tells you its over …. your heart isn’t so quick to catch on.  you keep hoping it will change.  maybe if you hang on just a little bit longer.  but it won’t happen.  because as i said its past all that and it could never be the same.  so why is it so hard to let go if logically in your head you know that its for the best?

in the end…….
for at least one its usually all heartbreak and tears.  then comes the rebuilding.  of everything.  your life.  your confidence.  your walls.  afterall, how could you be so stupid as to let someone get so close that they could hurt you that badly?  you said never again the last time.  and the time before that.

and then…..
one day when your heart has healed or at least learned to deal, your walls have been rebuilt and you’ve sworn never again, you meet this amazing person ……

One thought on “the decomposition ….

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