Poisonous People

Poisonous people. We all know at least one. Wether its a friend or a gf/bf or even a family member. In my case of course its a girl. But I think the behavior applys to them all.  They are like an addiction. Not that its planned or that they mean to be I dont think. They just are. They rope you in. All sweet and innocent. You think wow! What a special person and I’m so lucky.  And then BAM! As soon as they have your heart they rip it out and they’re done with you. Now I’m not judging here because I myself have been an asshole in the past. Always wanting what I couldnt have but then dumping it once I got it. The thrill of the chase? I dont know, maybe. I’m not proud of it by any means. I must say though that I have never been cruel and for the most part, unless it was to protect myself I was never cold hearted.  Some people, the ones who know my situation will read this and say no way. It wasnt like that, shes not like that. And thats ok because it does stay well hidden. Not everyone sees this side to them. Generally its those who care most about them who see this side and are treated like they’re worth nothing. Which I dont get at all but it seems like if they know they have you then why bother anymore. They can go give the best of themselves to someone else now, some insignificant ‘friend’ who when it came right down to it would never be there the way you would. But whatever.  Thats where the poison part of it comes in. These are the ones who are so self absorbed that they cant see past their own wants. That they just dont care. About anything. No conscience at all. Unless of course they want something from you. Then they’re that really amazing person you once knew. For a little while. Until the real them seeps back out. And it will. So what do you do if you have one of these poisonous addictive people in your life? What does it take to break that cycle? How many times can you be treated like shit and lied to and made a fool of before you just cant take it anymore? Where is your self respect? Your pride? And here’s the kicker …. you dont really even like them anymore. They’re not the person you once knew. What is it? Love? You can love some one but not like them. That I know. But still, either way you cant stop it. Cant get away. Now I would say that maybe its just me. Maybe I’m just weak because when it comes to her I am a true asshole, always her doormat, but I know other people who have the same problem. So its not only me.  And we know in our heads  that they will never change. Never. Its our hearts that wont listen so then when they turn on that charm again there you are stuck right back in their web of lies and hurt and heartache. So finally (again) you decide you cant take it any more.  Then you have to start all over with the hurt and anger and the whole “I’m really done this time” bit. Its tiring. No its exhausting. And its old. So this time I really am done. I deserve better. My kids deserve better. We have sensitive hearts and feelings. We have been through a lot in our lives. All three of us. And even if it kills me everyday, I will be strong for them because they don’t deserve the heartache and they don’t deserve to be played with. None of us do. No one does.

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