Anxiety…

Anxiety;
Can’t shake this feeling,
That’s inside of me,
Withdrawn from society,
My personality feels siamese,
Both sides;
At an endless rivalry.
When will I ever,
Understand my own psychology?
I’m split between the realms,
Of physical & philosophy,
What even is reality?
I just need some normality…

Oh;
So nervous,
There’s that voice again,
Reminding me I’m worthless.
Choking on my words,
I’m converseless.
Ahhh!
Curse this,
Mentality; I wish,
I could reverse this.
Feels like I’m destined,
To never reveal my purpose.
A fragile mind,
No one could interpret.
Who will ever understand,
The dreams of a broken man,
Fearful of the future,
And chained to his past.
As broken as an arm,
Shoved into a cast.
Shot down;
Like a cannonball,
That blasted,
Into the water,
Then splashed.
Memories burning,
Like a cigarette,
Dropping ash,
Onto the floor.
If I can’t feel,
Then what are,
Feelings even for?
Heart & brain,
At civil war.
It’ll end one day,
Or so I swore..
Sweating bullets,
From every pore.
Mind trippin’ like,
I took the;
Mushroom spore.
Kicked open,
The galaxies door,
For a galactic tour,
Of my own mental.
Brain’s broke;
But I think that’s,
What makes me,
So special.
Trying to find myself,
On a spiritual level.
But I’m stuck,
Trying to wrestle,
With the devil,
For my soul he wants,
To embezzle.
Bones crunch like,
Pretzels;
Self hatred nestles,
In my vessels,
Mind skippin’ pebbles,
Until this sickness settles,
Holding weight,
Heavier than metal.
Just when things slow down,
Life slams the gas pedal,
Until I crash & burn.
Did I live & learn,
Or did I ignore everything,
I should have concerned?
Watched moments,
Pass me by while I turned,
On the rotisserie,
Reliving my misery,
Sent my prayers,
To the ministry,
But where’s the,
Symmetry in that?
Can’t speak to the,
Holy trinity cynically.
I must find divinity,
Within my epiphany,
Discover the mystery,
Of infinity;
Been seeking truth,
Since infancy.
Photograph;
This imagery.
Writ my passion,
In calligraphy.
Deliberately;
Lent my sympathy,
To those who,
Left me;
With insufficiency.
I don’t know peace,
All I do is suffer,
They say it makes,
Me tougher;
But I keep slippin’,
Like the path I walk,
Was slathered in butter.
Never been much,
Of a cutter,
But I wanna feel,
Something that’s real,
Cause my heart’s,
Been fading,
Degrading.
Every demon,
Participating,
Compensating,
For grief unforgivin’.
A life filled;
With anxiety,
Ain’t much of one,
Worth livin’.
But I’ll make it through,
Because;
My ambition still driven,
Me & destiny on collision,
This my provision,
I dare you to test my mission.

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